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2011-04-14

今宵別夢寒

剛開始我總以為巨化是個鳥地方,來了以後才發現,這原來是個連鳥都沒有的地方。

這裡不繁華,也不貧壤。該有的都有,我是挺喜歡這樣的一個小地方的。我本以為我會在這裡住一些日子,但其實並不是。我說不清我在這里呆了多長時間,一天,兩天。一年或者兩年。而我總是這麼漂來漂去,我想我的生活此時便像是一顆正散在風中的蒲公英。控制航向的並不是我自己,而取決於風。它要么把我帶到一邊溫暖如春的土壤,要么把我扔在一塊熾熱的岩石上。

但在這途中,我卻愛上了一位姑娘。我開始抵抗風的控制,我企圖把她的方向當作我追隨的方向,哪怕風把我撕成碎片啊!可所有的事都和我想的不一樣,迄今為止,我似乎從未想對過一件事情。當我下定決心要犧牲一切的時候,我卻不知道這位姑娘去了何方。我看著風,它說:你是不能逃脫我的,跟我走吧!我流著眼淚說,那麼,再你把我帶走之前,能帶我最後看一眼那位姑娘嗎?它說,好。不過為了懲治你,你以後的旅途將會背負上無盡的悲傷和孤獨。

在巨化生活區裡,到處都是生活的人。在這樣的人群裡,我很多時候把手放進口袋,然後看著他們,四處張望。我不明白我在尋找還是期待著什麼,只是走著的時候,突然就會停下來看一看。在這樣一個陌生的地方無數的陌生人從我眼前經過的時候,我流露不出來一絲的笑容。所幸我能聽得懂他們的語言,以及有些人大聲的罵,十。隨後我企圖在生活區裡看見工業區在哪裡,卻未能發現。後來有人告訴我,你的旁邊就是工業區。我看了一眼旁邊,卻什麼都沒有看見。

巨化就好像一個長的並不好看的姑娘,你要想喜歡上這裡,只能日久生情。然而我卻忘了我根本沒有和它調情的時間,我只是暫時散落在這裡,下次起風的時候,我馬上就得離開。

我開始想以後的日子,但只是想了開頭,就不能在想下去。是不是當你愛上一個人又無法和她在一起的時候,要么愛上另一個人,別想時間會淡化這種感受。即使真的有一天再想起她時覺得釋然了,但在這本該美好的青春里,卻一直都不快樂,不是麼?假如有一天我去了另一個城市,開始為生活努力,甚至每天忙碌的生活已經讓我在想起她的時候無法記清她的臉了。可是為什麼在突然醒來的黑夜會如此清晰的記得她的笑顏?她現在都還好嗎?而他們相擁入眠甜蜜的夜是否再一次讓你淚流滿面?

你看,愛情。多悲傷的兩個字。

我開始喜歡在各種天氣痴望著前面,在下大雨的時候,會想出去走一走。我開始翻閱手機裡僅存的她的短信,突然想起忘了偷拍一張她的照片。我開始一個人看球賽的時候看見韋德打了一個好球就突然想叫一個人看看,卻發現周圍始終都只有我一個人。接著把所有的時光都寄託在韋德身上,聽著評論員嘩嘩嘩的說。我從未想過我會如此孤單。

可,我最親愛的孩子。這終究只是一段時光,並不是你生命的全部。就像你十歲的時候喜歡奧特曼,而我現在給你一大推奧特曼的碟子你還會有當年的癡狂嗎?等這些過去了,你還會像從前一樣快樂的,就像從不曾有過這樣的一段時光。多久以後,我會喜歡上這樣的一首歌:還記得年少時的夢嗎?像朵永遠不調零的花,陪我經過那風吹雨打,看世事無常,看滄桑變化,那些為愛付出的代價,是永遠都難忘的啊,所有真心的痴心的話,永在我心中,雖然已沒有她,也許我偶爾還是會想她,偶爾難免會惦記著她,就當她是個老朋友啊,也讓我心疼,也讓我牽掛,只是我心中不再有火花,那些真心的痴心的話,仍在我心中,雖然已沒有她。

在愛的世界裡期待一個擁抱,可惜有人遲到有人走的太早。我有時也想站在原地不動,時間卻拼命的把我往前推走,我終是一個時光的囚徒。我彷佛就像是一個在看電影的人,卻愚蠢的愛上了女主角,但她永遠都不能看見我,我卻對她愛的很深很深。這種暗戀注定是悲傷的。我是如此清楚的知道她對他的愛,因為我是陪她走過這場戲的人,我知道什麼時候有什麼情節,什麼時候有什麼台詞,什麼時候悲傷什麼時候高興,什麼時候親吻什麼時候擁抱。她讓我知道人生總會有無法補救的缺憾,愛上一個人要為她流多少的眼淚。怎樣的愛最讓人疼痛,怎樣的青春沒有說再見的機會。我時常想,我是該慶幸遇見了這位世界上最美麗的姑娘,還是該痛恨命運給了我一段這麼苦痛的時光。就像鳥兒沒有了翅膀,再也無法在天空飛翔。花兒熬過了整個冬季,不能在春天綻放。最愛的人就站在眼前,卻失去了一個擁抱的力量。而他們成雙入對的身影,親密的語言,可愛的擁抱,就像一塊重石壓在心口,難受的令人無法呼吸。我此時終於明白真愛真不是一件什麼好的事,我並不希望在以後的日子裡再真的愛上誰了。 (當你的眼睛籠罩著憂鬱,我知道我再也不能騙自己,秋天的落葉終究會調零,我們的故事要走到哪裡,輕輕走進你的夢,不敢唱起那首歌,當愛情收回最後的眼淚,奔跑的孩子一樣會心碎,我不是你想的那種人,今天說愛你明天說後悔,狂熱的夜無處追,這樣的愛只一回。)我覺得我此刻已變得異常的卑劣,我開始喜歡聽最悲傷的情歌,知道悲傷的人不止我一個時總讓我一陣高興。然後又一陣失落。我拿起那張紙上我不知道什麼時候寫的一首詩:

這個地方太過於美麗

我則太過於醜陋

命運將不在容許我在這裡停留

那麼我只有趁離開這裡就要死去之前

趕緊逃離

我的左邊是我破碎的臉

右邊是你明媚的笑顏

攤一攤雙手

便是我虛度的年華

能不能在這最後的時光

給我凌亂不堪的青春

一個擁抱

當大雄的世界裡不再會有哆啦A夢

海綿寶寶和派大星依然過的很幸福

而此時我真的懂

你無法言喻的痛

彷彿以後的日子瞬間失去了全部陽光

我在寒冷的雨夜醒過來

然後用空洞的雙眼看著空洞的世界

覺得我已

孤獨百年

你是我無法捕捉的光芒

一個我永遠無法企及的夢

能不能當作從不曾與你相見

忘記你的美呢?

孩子啊

那句無法對她訴說的話

就把它送給這個世界把

我最親愛的孩子。

我踏著這條即將要被夕陽消融的路去一個我從不曾去過的遠方,我的內心極其害怕。我站在路的盡頭回看了一下我曾經留戀過的地方,夕陽的光輝在牆面和玻璃的反射下把這刺眼的城市灼進我的眼裡。我最後一次想,在前面,是不是有一位和她相似的姑娘,有一段美好的時光。路邊學校的小學生在齊聲朗誦著:長亭外,古道邊,芳草碧連天,晚風拂柳笛聲殘,夕陽山外山。天之涯,地之角,知交半零落。人生難得是歡聚,唯有別離多。一壺濁酒盡餘歡,今宵別夢寒脊醫

 
categoryうちなーぐち  time18:29  authorcupwater 
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